Just Rick: The Notepad

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Notepad

Wonder of wonders, I found a small reporter's notepad that I used to keep track of my weight loss beginning in January 2007. It was one of many, many times that I've been on the bandwagon, and one of the many, many times I fell off.

On Monday, Jan. 29, 2007, I weighed 370 pounds.

Today, I weigh 275.

Still, I don't count myself as having lost nearly 100 pounds. I can't allow myself to fudge (pun intended!) like that. In September of 2007, I hit the Y like I always had and found myself shunned by the jocks on the wallyball court. I walked out, the kid in gym class who didn't get picked last ... he didn't get picked at all.

I didn't go back for three years, and it cost me 30 pounds. So, yeah, since the first of 2007, I've lost 95 pounds, but on the path I'm on now, I'm down 80. Twenty more to go ... and then I'll allow myself to believe I've reached century mark.

That said, the remarks I made to myself ring true to this day.

For Jeanie. For Richard. For Adam. For Jesse. Keep going.

Never weigh before working out, peeing and with keys and wallet in your pocket! Hang in there, Fat Boy.

It's OK, Rick. Everything was going on with Jeanie and that's more important than working out. Keep after it this week (Jeanie was going through treatments for thyroid cancer at the time).

Playing racquetball with Artie is working miracles! I don't want to have surgery, and I'm not going to if I keep going like this. I don't want to go back to being fat and not caring. I'm still fat, but at least I care enough to do something about it.

YOU ARE THE MAN!!! You're a stud. A studly stud! I'm very proud of this. Maybe the next time you go to Junior (Johnson)'s house for breakfast, I won't break one of the stupid chairs (Yes, this really happened ... and they still haven't let me forget it!)

Who cares? I don't. It doesn't make any difference in things I care about, so why should I bust my ass every week? (Sorry for the language, but as you might've guessed, I was a bit disappointed.)

Then ... the final entry ... on August 29, 2007.

This was really surprising. I thought I'd lost, so this was really bad. Still, I had pizza this week and the watermelon I've been snacking on is evidently not as good for me as I thought it was.

Stick with it, Fat Boy. Just stick with it this time.

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Why Just Rick?

Jeanie said one of the nicest things she's ever said to me recently, and out of that came the title of this blog ... Just Rick.

I spoke at a local church, and during the presentation, used some personal pictures from a few years ago. My weight-loss journey was not the topic, so I just showed the photographs and moved on without mentioning it.

Later, while we were driving home, she mentioned the photos.

"They were amazing," she began. "I don't think I'd realized how much weight you'd lost until I saw them."

I laughed. Really? I've been busting my butt for more than four years now, and you didn't notice? Geeeee ... thanks.

"No, that's not what I meant," Jeanie said. "I never saw you as being fat. I always saw you as just Rick, and that's the way I see you now, as just Rick."

I wish I could say the same, that I saw myself as just Rick when I looked in the mirror once upon a time. Instead, I was the fat kid who loved sports but couldn't play any very well at all. As an adult, I was the fat guy who'd been embarrassed by my weight more times than I could ever begin to count.

Even now, the memories stick with me. They're motivation to keep going, even when a run is getting really, really hard or I just can't imagine doing another rep in the Body Pump and boot camp classes I'm taking.

Come on, Fat Boy ...

Just Rick.

At my heaviest, my worth was not determined by my weight.

Today, my worth is not determined by how much weight I've lost, although I'm glad it's gone. My worth is determined by who I am as a husband, a father and most importantly, as a child of the One True King.